she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize