Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
