I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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