Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
