I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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