omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
