You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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