Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
