Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
