please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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