New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
