She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
