I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need to calm my uterus...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
