i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize