I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
