my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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