It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
