I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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