why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
