I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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