Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
