I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
