He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
