i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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