Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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