i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
