He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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