you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
