If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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