First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
