Heybabeimwearingurpanties
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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