sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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