he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
