Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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