grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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