went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
