shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
