Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
