My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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