I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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