porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
