i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
