i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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