Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
