I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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