She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
