It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
