if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
