I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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