can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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