I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
