Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
