I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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