I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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