DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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