you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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