Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
