What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
