i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
