There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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