I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
