She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
