I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize