Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
